Struggles of Faith

Roughly a year and a half ago, I had a major nervous breakdown.  It took six months for me to recover enough for me to actually be able to return to work.  The whole experience was full of mistakes in Healthcare, inability on my part to distinguish what was real, and a severe lack of Faith.

Why did this happen to me?  I can remember screaming this on the back porch where I live, curled in the fetal position. I cursed God for everything that had happened.  All the triggers that brought this on.

For example:

  • Lost my father to cancer
  • Lost my mom
  • Lost my marriage
  • Lost my job
  • Lost my house
  • Lost my dogs
  • Lost fifty percent of the time with my daughter
  • Had a novel fail

There’s more but that’s enough to get the gist of where I was mentally.


I blamed God for things the things that happened.  Everything that I listed above was man made.  Even the illnesses I was diagnosed with and the medications I have to take now, I believe, are a result of man made circumstances.  If you are in your 40’s think about all the chemicals and stuff that we’ve been exposed too during our life time, whether it be from food or cleaning supplied or weed killers.  The list goes on and on.

This isn’t God’s fault.  It’s man.  We did this to ourselves, so why should I blame God or even expect him to intervene in that situation?

If anything it’s a blessing because I’ve finally started looking at myself as a Christian.  I read about God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.  I’m trying to find a church to fit my needs.  I read clean fiction (typically Christian based).  I listen to and support RadioU (our local Christian contemporary radio station).

But yet I still struggle.  Forty-three years of sin is a lot to turn around.  Slowly but surely it’s happening but things pop up.  December 28th was the seven year anniversary of my Father’s death and I went on a rager.  I wanted nothing to do with God because I felt abandoned.  This thinking led to other thoughts of Why and How Could He Do This.

Wrong thinking.  Man did this to ourselves, not God.  He is there for us during our weakest to make His love the strongest:

2 Corinthians 12:9

Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.

These were Jesus’ words in response to a prayer by Paul.  It’s not the most popular line because it doesn’t show strength, the opposite of weakness but is saying that at our weakest moments His love for us is the strongest.

Understand that weakness isn’t just about being weak though.  As many phrases/words in the Bible are metaphors, so is weakness.  It can mean that people are mocking your faith making you look/feel weak.  It can also mean hard times in general.  It’s about when we feel at our weakest because of something that is happening to us.

Think about it, when tough times hit so do darker thoughts.  Those are the times where we need to turn to Jesus’ embrace to feel his everlasting Love.  We should always walk as Christians and always pray to Him, but it’s those dark times where his power can work through us the most.

Have a Great New Years weekend and please be safe,

A Dad




So it’s Friday and I’m a day late, so I’ll apologize for this now at the beginning to get it out of the way.  I’m working on a side project and lost track of time.

What is Salvation? Well the base definition is this:

salvation – preservation or deliverance from harm, ruin, or loss

But how does that apply to us as Christians or potential Christians?

Well, Jesus saved us.  It’s as simple as that in statement but it goes so much deeper.

In Genesis we learn of the curse of Adam & Eve as they are kicked out of the Garden of Eden.  The curse causes all of man to be born of Sin.  We are sinners from birth to death.  You can not get around it.  It’s a fact about who we are as humans.

In the Old Testament, God provides Moses with the Ten Commandants along with other teachings to help them with living a Holy Life.  They were to make sacrifices to the Lord God to atone for sins.  It was a very specific act to help cover sinning.

Sacrifice plays a large role in the Old Testament.  God had to kill animals to provide clothing after Adam & Eve sinned and Noah sacrificed after the flood waters receded.

The key thing to know is that we no longer offer sacrifices. Why is that?

John 3:16

For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life. 

Let me make this PERFECTLY CLEAR, Jesus’ death on the cross was to provide us salvation. Jesus died for ALL of the sins that have ever been committed or will be committed.

The King of Kings took the proverbial bullet for every single person on the face of this planet.

Now the question you may be asking at this point is WHY?

The answer is so simple that we overlook it EVERY day.  How can we miss it with the glorious nature of this world and life in general?  Look around you and ignore the worldly trappings we deal with in our day to day lives.

The amazing things that we get to see and do in this world are because GOD LOVES US.

It’s that simple.  No more, no less.  What do we have to do in return?  Live the life that he put in the Bible.  Live a Holy life through the guidance of God.  It’s awesome!!  Not complex, so simple to accept, and so simple to change our sinful lives.

On this Christmas Eve Ever, I want to wish you a very Merry Christmas!

May God Bless You All!!

A Dad

PS – Don’t forget to reach out if you need to!  I’m here for you.


Questions & Introduction

I was born a sinner and will die my human death as a sinner.  There is nothing that I can do to change this.  It is the curse of Adam carried down through generations to me.

In the name of self importance and selfishness, I’ve done horrible things in my life.  Things that I am so ashamed of that I can’t even speak with my wife about them due to my sheer embarrassment.

So what are the base questions?  What, why, where, who, and how.

What – Salvation.  It’s the only way to get out alive with Eternal Life

Why – This is an odd question.  There is no really great answer to this.  It’s so vague it can’t be answered when asked by itself.

Where – Heaven, Earth, and Hell

Who – God, Jesus, The Holy Spirit, Satan, and us

How – Through The Word!

It’s these things that I plan on discussing through my blog here.  I’ve been trying to plan this out for awhile now and the I AM finally had to give me a strong nudge today to get writing.

This will be a weekly blog where I’ll discuss everything from Sunday School to The Book of Revelation.  I will be as open and honest as I can possibly be with you about my feelings, where I get information or how you can find more info.

Next week we’ll begin with our first topic which will be ‘Salvation’

Thanks and we’ll chat next week!!