6:33 AM – Ugh. I haven’t been able to sleep in for years. Always gives me a Migraine. And for you young people out there, staying up until 1AM and getting up at 10AM is not sleeping in. Still about the same amount of sleep.
When I stepped outside to let the dog out and have a cigarette, I looked at my phone and it said it was 5 degrees Fahrenheit. Cold. Dang Cold. I didn’t see Satan in a parka out there so I know Hell didn’t freeze over. Just a typical winter here.
My daughter is still in bed and I just woke up my wife to see if she’s going to the food pantry or not. The one we volunteer at is for Veteran’s and their families. Since I’m a US Navy Veteran it just seemed like the place to be. Only today I won’t be going.
At this point your going to say so what? Well, I don’t miss. So far I’ve missed twice, once because I was throwing up and the second because we had a nasty ice storm and couldn’t get out of the house. Why today? Because I don’t take care of myself.
If you asked me one thing I would say to my 18 year old self, it would be take care of your body.
- Don’t smoke
- Watch what you eat
- Exercise and enjoy it
Those three simple things would prevent where I’m at now. The weird thing is I KNOW that through God all things are possible. Now you’re wondering how a guy who writes a Christian Blog isn’t doing amazing?
Because sometimes I have a bit of a wonky relationship with God. To be even more clear I know it’s ME with the problem. HIS love has NEVER wavered, it has always been my strength that’s wavered. I know HIS love for me is never ending but with everything I’ve gone through that worldly and human portion of my mind struggles. (See the blog post Struggles of Faith to see what I’m referring to)
I have no doubt that if I turned everything over to the King of Kings that I’d find the motivation to quite smoking, eat better, and exercise. I have no clue sometimes why I don’t. Every time I feel close, I feel the Holy Spirit, something blocks me. I get angry and frustrated. I weep in anguish, feeling that I’ve been forgotten, not worthy, or forsaken. That I’m doomed to walk the Earth until the End of the Daniel’s 70th Week (the end of the Tribulation) until I’m judged, found lacking, and cast to the Lake of Fire.
Sometimes I see glimmers of Hope. Maybe I understand a sermon, get likes/followers on here, or just sometimes it’s clicks. But as soon as that happens, that wonderful feeling is pulled just out of my grasp. I see it. I feel it and know it’s there but I just can’t reach it. That’s the exact moment where my strength fades.
Demons? Most likely. Good vs. Evil. Once you have the Seal of the Lord a demon may no longer directly take control of you BUT they can still tempt you. It’s up to you to choose.
I don’t dislike science, as a matter of fact I believe in a lot of it. My favorite is ‘for every action there is an equal but opposite reaction’. Like I said, Good vs. Evil. Angelic beings vs. Demons. I’ll get into what demons are in another post but just know they exist.
So back to the point, are they demons stopping me? My stubborn human brain? I don’t know but it’s past the point of annoyance. I want that beautiful relationship with the Lord. I want to feel his Spirit and bask in the glow of it knowing that I have Eternal Life in front me. I want to be inspired to continue to spread his word, for now electronically, but maybe some day from the front of a small town church in the Adirondacks (where I want to retire to). I want to make the right choices and be guided by his light through this murky life so that one day I can be there when Jesus fulfills Biblical Prophecy and returns as promised to create the Millennial Kingdom.
Do you struggle? Let me know? Maybe we can pray for each other. We can support each other in this day by day worldly struggle.
Thanks for reading and being who you are,